Prepare to be Offended

Has this ever happened to you? You’re sitting with a friend, family member or coworker, maybe enjoying a meal or cocktail at your local Applebee’s®. Chitting. Chatting. Discussing likes, dislikes and such. When, out of the blue, they say:

“No offense, but …”

I think you know what comes next. Immediately. Without hesitation. They say something offensive. It’s bizarre. It’s like when someone says, “It goes without saying” and then says whatever “it” is.

Why? What is the point? Just make the comment, if you must. If it is eating away at every fiber of your being. Go for it. Roll the dice. Go big or go home. Now, If anything, matters are worse because you are prepared to be offended. Even if what they say isn’t that bad, you now know they considered it to be hurtful, and still made the comment anyways. As if they had carte blanche.  As if some sort of social “Get out of Jail Free” card had been played. Are they Obi Wan Kenobi? What is the thought process, exactly:

“I really want to tell Susan how much I hate her sweater. I know she loves it, but it makes me want to puke. How dare she wear it around me. If only there were something I could say preceding my rude comment to completely let me off the hook. Hmm …. I got it!”

Jedi Mind Trick

"You will not be offended when I call you fat."

Can you imagine going into work one day, walking up to your boss and saying:

“Don’t take this the wrong way, but you’re a real asshole.”

Telling Jessica Simpson:

“You are dumber than bricks … I mean, just kidding. You’re so smart.”

Or telling a bank teller:

“Promise you won’t get upset, but this is a robbery.”

And that being OK?

No offense, but I’m not sure life works that way.



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3 Responses to “Prepare to be Offended”

  1. Kelly Says:

    Thanks for posting on my blog so that I could find yours…this post was HILARIOUS! Thanks for making me laugh on a Saturday morning! 🙂

  2. F&B Says:

    This reminds me of when people start sentences with “I’ll be honest…” all the time.

    I can’t help wondering just how much these people lie the rest of the time.

    I particularly get a kick out of it when someone I’m interviewing for a job says it.

    • Ribs Says:

      I thought of that as well. I love it when people say, “In all honesty.”
      Was I to assume you would be lying if you hadn’t said that?

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