Choose Wisely

“I want to be the battleship!”

“I want to be the race car!”

“I want to be the ….. thimble?”

Typically, when playing a board game, your game piece is a mere representation of your favorite color. Like in Sorry!®, Trouble® or Pictionary® (why are most board games one word? … anyways). In Life®, it denotes your gender, but you still get to pick the color of your station wagon. But, really, a game piece is just a game piece, right? Not necessarily, according to famous  dream researcher, Kelly Bulkeley, the piece you pick in Monopoly® may reflect your personality or aspirations. Using my expert psychoanalysis abilities, I further expanded on her theory, in order to tell you just what your Monopoly piece may say about you as a person:

The Wheelbarrow: Always the optimist, nothing ever gets you down. Not even when people comment on your horrendous fashion sense.

The Battleship: Life has been hard for you since high school. No accomplishment since, has matched the joy you felt from winning the “big” game or making the cheerleading squad. Nights, after you have left the liquor store, you find yourself driving by your old school, muttering, “Those were the days …” as you unscrew the cap on your bottle of Wild Turkey™.

Monopoly Race Car

"You're going places!"

The Horse & Rider: Lady Luck is always on your side. The gods smile on you. Everything seems to go your way. Were it not for that third nipple, your life would be flawless. Oops, I forgot that was a secret ….

The Race Car: I don’t know? You probably like NASCAR® or something?

The Cannon: Travel is your passion. Oh, the places you would go, if only your parole officer would allow it.

The Dog: You’re very, very dull. A real “Snooze Fest,” if you will. Maybe you should get a makeover, or a hobby? I don’t know, spelunking, maybe?

The Top Hat: Considered a Lone Wolf by most, you find you spend most of your time in your apartment, alone, due to your cat allergies and Satanic beliefs.

The Iron: You got to pick your piece last.

The Shoe: Family comes first for you. Even before your job, friends and hygiene.

The Thimble: Exciting! Adventurous! Sexy! There aren’t enough “!” in the world to emphasize just how interesting you are. Well done, my friend!

Choose wisely.



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One Response to “Choose Wisely”

  1. ianthecool Says:

    Haha, nice. I like it. A Monopoly horoscope.

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