Cursed Clothing: A Confession

As a proud first-time father and Green Bay Packer fan, upon the birth of my daughter, I went to a little “Ma and Pa” retailer, Walmart®, to purchase her some Green Bay Packer attire. Fairly simple in design, the outfit I bought appeared average, at first sight. Two sleeves, a collar and the team’s colors and logo, you know, requisite clothing components. I made the purchase with glee. Happy as a clam. Giddy as a schoolgirl. A manly schoolgirl. Little did I know, the outfit was cursed! (GASP!)

We brought my daughter home on a Thursday, three days before the Packers were to face Brett Favre and the Minnesota Vikings for the second time. Of course, we dressed her up in the outfit on game day. She looked adorable, but …. the Packers lost. Now, I know what you’re thinking. I should have been suspicious immediately, however, there was no cause for concern, yet. The Packers were no better than average at that point. Minnesota was widely considered the better team and the Vikings had beaten the Packers handedly already once during the season. You can’t win ’em all. Easy come, easy go and what not. I drank beer, Samuel Adams®, and shrugged off the loss.

The next week, she wore the outfit when the Packers played the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, a team that hadn’t won a game all season, at that point. I dressed her confidently, proudly, but, once again … the Packers lost. This raised eyebrows and inspired panicked thoughts. “Could my daughter be cursed?” “Could she be the love child of my wife and a Chicago Bear fan?” “Brought to this Earth to bring doom upon my NFL team?” why?” “Why?” “WHY?” … “Or maybe the outfit is to blame?”

I had experience with this type of thing before. Throughout the course of the past MLB season, the Milwaukee Brewers lost 8 straight games I attended in which I wore my Ryan Braun jersey. So, when it came to this situation, I proceeded cautiously. She didn’t wear the outfit for 5 straight weeks. In that time, the Packers went 5-0, becoming one of the most dominant teams in the NFC. I breathed a sigh of relief. At least I no longer had to worry about my daughter or where her loyalty lied. She had passed the test. Flying colors and all (I don’t know what that means, actually). The outfit, however, was still in question.

My curiosity got the best of me. Like George. And cats. I had her wear it in week 15 against the Pittsburgh Steelers. Yup! The Packers lost on a last second TD as time expired. How could this be? Was this outfit sewn in the pits of hell by demons? Made from recycled Nazi uniforms? Designed by Al Qaeda? Featured in The Exorcist? If I had known better, I would have burnt it that night. Sent it back from where it came. Put an end to the madness. But, I did not, and for that I apologize. I apologize to you, Green Bay Packer fans. To you, my brethren.

“Why?” you ask. Because last night, due to us attending a gathering for the playoff game against the Arizona Cardinals, we once again dressed my beautiful daughter in that forsaken fabric. Against all my better judgement, I put her cuteness before the team. Before all of you. I think we all know how it turned out. Disaster. Disappointment. Depression. Sadness spread across Waukesha, Walworth, Waupaca and even Wisconsin counties that don’t start with “W”. It wasn’t pretty. And for that, I am to blame.

For what it is worth, next year she will be too big for the outfit. Its reign of terror is over. Its powers are useless in 2010. Maybe then, the Green Bay Packers will return to excellence. To the days of Lombardi and Lambeau. Maybe then, you can forgive me.

I’m sorry.



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One Response to “Cursed Clothing: A Confession”

  1. nick Says:

    what were you thinking? i do blame you, we should burn it.

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