Rib Tips: Learn the Guitar

Guitar Hero® is not fun (or Rock Band®). Let me tell you how I know this. I know this because I have played Guitar Hero. What I do not know is why other people (millions, maybe billions) who have played Guitar Hero disagree with me.

Part of the appeal to video games, in my opinion, is the escapism. Simply by turning on your TV, you are taken away to historical sites, war zones, alien lands and other fantastic environments. Unlike in movies, you actually experience this first hand (kind of). As a drone in the Midwest, I can say with confidence that I will never be a Space Marine. It is fair to assume I will never travel back in time to fight in WW2. Or transform into a hedgehog. Sonic or normal. Video games allow me that opportunity. To shut off my brain and escape. This is where Guitar Hero fails. In the game, your character is a guy, on a stage with a guitar. Go to any bar in any town on any Saturday night. Do you know what you will find? A guy, on a stage … with a guitar. This doesn’t interest me. But, if it interests you, may I recommend this:

  1. Sell Guitar Hero.
  2. Buy a guitar.
  3. Invest the time you would have played Guitar Hero on learning how to play the guitar.
  4. Go to a bar.
  5. Play guitar on stage.

There once was a time when I could play “Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star” on the guitar, so, as an expert string picker, I can tell you that the skills aren’t that different from Guitar Hero. It takes rhythm, timing, patience and practice. If you are good, the sky is the limit. Maybe you’ll be the next Sammy Hagar. If you’re bad, don’t worry. I haven’t got to the best part yet.

Guitar Hero

Chicks do not dig this.

Girls dig guys that play the guitar. It’s in their genetic code. They eat it up like Dannon® yogurt and gay vampires. If you are looking to ride the love train, learning the guitar is your ticket on board. Just ask Tom Petty. That dude is not a good looking man, but it hasn’t hurt him one bit. Simply bring your guitar everywhere you go. No matter how random the occasion. Pull that puppy out of your trunk, play 5 seconds of a Counting Crows song (literally, that’s it) and you are money.

As far as Guitar Hero players? It’s not like you can just pull that out in an Arby’s® parking lot. Plus, my wife says it’s not the same. And she’s a girl.

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